froggie

i have come to the realization that parenthood is a process of letting go. letting go of future plans that made SO MUCH sense a few months ago...letting go of anger and disappointment when things go another direction...letting go of righteousness and replacing it with a budding wisdom.

my son is growing up. i mean...of course, he's growing up. that sounds stupid to say out loud, but it's just that it's happening so fast. elijah is growing up. it's almost like trying to hold sand with a sieve. you're powerless to stop this little entity from growing and becoming, but you want so desperately to hold on to what you have now. you want so much to just slow things down so that you can enjoy the child you have before you're faced with the child to come. elijah IS growing up.

today was erin's play group day, and there are always goodies in the kitchen when she gets back and today was no exception. i crow over finding chocolate chip cookies on the counter and, unthinkingly, grab one. erin clears her throat and i look at her. she looks down. i look down to find the little guy standing there, staring at me, waiting patiently for his share of my cookie that is his by right. i look down and he says, "hi," with his hand outstretched. i can deny him nothing. he wanders off munching HIS share of my cookie in search of the elusive blue ball, and i think to myself, "where did this little fella come from?" i look at him and i see the infant that was and the child that is becoming...things move on but it has always been my experience that time did you the courtesy of moving slowly so that you forgot what once was even as you leave it behind.

months and months ago, there was once a toy named, aptly, froggie. froggie was not special, but he did make elijah laugh on long car trips. one day, erin was out with our rachel (and her maya rose) when froggie was lost to us. elijah hardly noticed but erin called me in tears. at the time, i didn't really get it. he's got plenty of toys and, hey, he didn't notice. but, it was important to erin so it was important to me.

froggie was a corporeal embodiment. froggie was elijah's infancy. froggie was just a little piece of the infant that was and preserving him was important to us...it allowed us to hold that infant close while the toddler was learning to climb kitchen cabinets and take off his diaper. :p

i miss that frog.